YAY! It's Friday, and even though it's a FULL day of school, and I have a weekend of TFA stuff, it's still Friday, and that's reason to celebrate!
This weekend I am going to Southwest Summit, just a big conference with TFA peeps from Phoenix and New Mexico. For the first time, all the sessions I chose had NOTHING to do with Math. I'm mathed out :)
Things I am grateful for:
1) I am grateful for coffee. I HATE the taste, but man does it perk me up. Especially in the mornings when I need it most, but also in the afternoons if I need to focus. Thank goodness I am finally able to get over the taste, and drink it!
2) I am grateful for the chance to "get away" a little this weekend. Even though it's going to be FREEZING, it'll be nice to get a change of scenery and spend time with a great group of people.
3) I am grateful for the TV show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. This is a new one for me, and Roby, Scott and started watching it. We are on season three and it is HILARIOUS! It has provided us with a nice little activity in the evenings while winding down for bed, and it's just hilarious. I love it! :)
So excited for the day to be done and to be flagstaff bound! Yay!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
In a dark place...
So I guess it's more important than ever that I focus on the positive!
But before I do that, let me try to get some of this out.
Right now I feel like I'm in a very dark place. A place I haven't quite ever been before. It's as if EVERY thing in my life that I could POSSIBLY be upset about is hitting me. And it's hitting me all at once. The to-do list continues to pile up, and my responsibilities are outpacing me. I don't feel adequate to live up to all the challenges presented to me, yet I cannot possibly prioritize them. They all seem equally important and imperative to finish.
Very pressing is the fact that my dad is very sick with the flu. That terrifies me. How sad is it that my dad having the flu makes my soul weep :(
I am overwhelmed, I am smothered, I am not good enough. But I am grateful. At least for a few things.
1) I am grateful for Taylor Swift songs. yes, she is a teenie bopper who writes songs for the same demographic. But sometimes it's nice to travel back to a time of innocence and unwavering optimism. Someone stole my dreams away from me, but it's nice to remember that I once had them.
2) I am grateful for my students from last year. Even if I am not happy with some of their behaviors this year, they were still my first, and will always be my babies and favorites. I remember the awesome, amazing things that we did together, and how we overcame a lot of odds. No matter what happens now, no one can take away last year from us.
3) I am grateful that my big girl job application is nearly finished. As far as items on my to-do list go, it was one that required little work, yet was somehow the MOST stressful item of all. Now that it's nearly finished, I feel a big weight lifted off my chest.
Gosh I hope this feeling goes away.
But before I do that, let me try to get some of this out.
Right now I feel like I'm in a very dark place. A place I haven't quite ever been before. It's as if EVERY thing in my life that I could POSSIBLY be upset about is hitting me. And it's hitting me all at once. The to-do list continues to pile up, and my responsibilities are outpacing me. I don't feel adequate to live up to all the challenges presented to me, yet I cannot possibly prioritize them. They all seem equally important and imperative to finish.
Very pressing is the fact that my dad is very sick with the flu. That terrifies me. How sad is it that my dad having the flu makes my soul weep :(
I am overwhelmed, I am smothered, I am not good enough. But I am grateful. At least for a few things.
1) I am grateful for Taylor Swift songs. yes, she is a teenie bopper who writes songs for the same demographic. But sometimes it's nice to travel back to a time of innocence and unwavering optimism. Someone stole my dreams away from me, but it's nice to remember that I once had them.
2) I am grateful for my students from last year. Even if I am not happy with some of their behaviors this year, they were still my first, and will always be my babies and favorites. I remember the awesome, amazing things that we did together, and how we overcame a lot of odds. No matter what happens now, no one can take away last year from us.
3) I am grateful that my big girl job application is nearly finished. As far as items on my to-do list go, it was one that required little work, yet was somehow the MOST stressful item of all. Now that it's nearly finished, I feel a big weight lifted off my chest.
Gosh I hope this feeling goes away.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Feeling like a Failure... sigh...
I really wish that this didn't seem like such a chore :( I guess that just means I need this gratitude blog more than I think!)
I have three days to make up for again (monday, Tuesday, Wednesday), so here we go!
1) I am grateful for my dad. Today is his birthday. Mom didn't make it to hers this year, so I am grateful that I still have a dad. A dad that I can send birthday cards to, and call to wish him a happy birthday. I am grateful i have a dad still.
2) I am grateful that I have a somewhat decent math curriculum this year. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not perfect, and I IN NO WAY use it the way it was created to be used. It is worthless to me the way it was given. However, I am using it as a resource, and it's wonderful. No more making my own worksheets. EnVision has some great handouts and student practice, and I LOVE that. Such a time saver.
3) I am grateful for my strong abilities in math. Somewhere a long the line, I was blessed with the talent of being able to do complex math problems. Quickly. In my head. It had allowed me to excel in this subject first as a student, now as a teacher. I don't even realize, but it is so easy for me to break down concepts because they COMPLETELY make sense to me. And it's fun. Makes me feel like a badass. I'm grateful for that.
4) I am grateful for having the day off of school today! Wednesdays off are fantastic, because I get to sleep in a little, and have a chance to BREATHE! Even if all I'm doing is more work, it's STILL better than being at school for the day!
5) I am grateful for the comment a co-worker made to me yesterday. He has several of my students in his SFA reading class, and he told me today that my students were awesome in his class. "You've really done a good job with them." This made me feel really good, like I HAVE done something. I'm grateful that the compliment came at a time I really needed it.
6) I am grateful that I have my roommate Roby. He's great, and is so understanding of my messes, dogs, and boyfriend :) He is so laid back and easy going, it makes coming home a pleasure.
7) I am greatful for WINE! Scott and I went to Postino's last night, and though I was a grump before we got seated, we had GREAT conversations over a bottle. The wine loosened up our talking a little, and we really had some good things to say. It was great. All because of some wine :)
8) I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE DOG PARK! Last year, the dog park was the ONLY break I took from working. And, the ONLY reason i didn't do work there was because Sadie wouldn't let me. It was the first place I made non-TFA friends, and I met Scott there too! It is wonderful. The last place where life isn't complicated. Dogs are happy if you just throw a ball and pet them on the head. The people are happy to have the interaction, and it's just laid back. No responsibilities. No expectations. Just people and dogs. I love it.
9) I am grateful for Dimsy. We are going through a process together, and it's nice to have her there with me. Someone to work with, someone to compare notes with, and someone to mutually freak out or calm down with. It's great. She's just such a calming presence, I love her. And am so grateful she's in my life for many reasons, this was just the first I thought of!
I'll actually try to post a little more today. I DO have 12 to make up for from the first 4 days... yikes!
I have three days to make up for again (monday, Tuesday, Wednesday), so here we go!
1) I am grateful for my dad. Today is his birthday. Mom didn't make it to hers this year, so I am grateful that I still have a dad. A dad that I can send birthday cards to, and call to wish him a happy birthday. I am grateful i have a dad still.
2) I am grateful that I have a somewhat decent math curriculum this year. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not perfect, and I IN NO WAY use it the way it was created to be used. It is worthless to me the way it was given. However, I am using it as a resource, and it's wonderful. No more making my own worksheets. EnVision has some great handouts and student practice, and I LOVE that. Such a time saver.
3) I am grateful for my strong abilities in math. Somewhere a long the line, I was blessed with the talent of being able to do complex math problems. Quickly. In my head. It had allowed me to excel in this subject first as a student, now as a teacher. I don't even realize, but it is so easy for me to break down concepts because they COMPLETELY make sense to me. And it's fun. Makes me feel like a badass. I'm grateful for that.
4) I am grateful for having the day off of school today! Wednesdays off are fantastic, because I get to sleep in a little, and have a chance to BREATHE! Even if all I'm doing is more work, it's STILL better than being at school for the day!
5) I am grateful for the comment a co-worker made to me yesterday. He has several of my students in his SFA reading class, and he told me today that my students were awesome in his class. "You've really done a good job with them." This made me feel really good, like I HAVE done something. I'm grateful that the compliment came at a time I really needed it.
6) I am grateful that I have my roommate Roby. He's great, and is so understanding of my messes, dogs, and boyfriend :) He is so laid back and easy going, it makes coming home a pleasure.
7) I am greatful for WINE! Scott and I went to Postino's last night, and though I was a grump before we got seated, we had GREAT conversations over a bottle. The wine loosened up our talking a little, and we really had some good things to say. It was great. All because of some wine :)
8) I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE DOG PARK! Last year, the dog park was the ONLY break I took from working. And, the ONLY reason i didn't do work there was because Sadie wouldn't let me. It was the first place I made non-TFA friends, and I met Scott there too! It is wonderful. The last place where life isn't complicated. Dogs are happy if you just throw a ball and pet them on the head. The people are happy to have the interaction, and it's just laid back. No responsibilities. No expectations. Just people and dogs. I love it.
9) I am grateful for Dimsy. We are going through a process together, and it's nice to have her there with me. Someone to work with, someone to compare notes with, and someone to mutually freak out or calm down with. It's great. She's just such a calming presence, I love her. And am so grateful she's in my life for many reasons, this was just the first I thought of!
I'll actually try to post a little more today. I DO have 12 to make up for from the first 4 days... yikes!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
AND, I'm already behind...
Ok, so it's bad enough i didn't start on NOVEMBER 1st, and already had some catching up to do. But now, life gets busy (as it tends to do...) and now I have THREE MORE days to catch up. So I'm going to list as many as I can, and we'll see where I end up!
1) i am grateful that I had the means to make my latest purchase... a Wii! It has been loads of fun to play with, and should provide me with a nice break from all the seriousness that comes with life. At least, for a little bit anyway!
2) I am grateful for the TV show Gossip Girl. It provides me a fun glimpse into a life I will never be privy too, and allows me to live in fantasy land, even if it's just for an hour. It is like a mini vacation, and I enjoy every second of it :)
3) I am grateful for Hob Nob. Last year Lux was the "it" spot, but it was such a hassle sometimes (too far away, not place to sit, no real food to eat, etc.) Hob Nob combines the best of Lux (and none of the bad) with an awesome, homey atmosphere. I am grateful that I now feel like I have a refuge, a place to go when I need to work. And though I haven't tried it yet, it could be a place I go when I just need to be alone.
4) I am grateful for my boyfriend. It took me a few "gratefuls" to get down to him, because I want to make sure I word it just right. It's not that I'm grateful that I have a boyfriend. And it's not even that I'm grateful for all the things he does for me (though I certainly am). It's bigger than that. I'm grateful that I have Scott. Scott and all of his wonderful, kind, generous, caring, hopeful -ness. Even though I am screwed up right now, he is my solid anchor in this mess. It's nice.
5) I am grateful for my new haircut! I have side bangs, and they look WAY cuter than my last adventure in bangs-land. :)
6) I am grateful that I was able to find a suitable dress for the upcoming Vegas trip for Roby's birthday! After a saddening 6 attempts at trying on dresses (and, clearly, no luck), I definitely found a winner!
7) I am grateful for Shon Zelman. He is such an amazing mentor and role model, and because of him, my kids will have an AMAZING introduction to numerical values. It's truly all because of him.
8) I am grateful for Orange Juice. So tasty, so nutritional, so fresh. Makes me happy just drinking it, and it puts a smile on my face.
9) I am grateful for Sunday afternoons. Lazy Sunday afternoons. Ones where you've already been productive, and don't feel guilty for lounging, or cleaning, or taking care of you for a change. Love those!
Phew. Now I'm caught up. Except for those first four days.... yikes!
1) i am grateful that I had the means to make my latest purchase... a Wii! It has been loads of fun to play with, and should provide me with a nice break from all the seriousness that comes with life. At least, for a little bit anyway!
2) I am grateful for the TV show Gossip Girl. It provides me a fun glimpse into a life I will never be privy too, and allows me to live in fantasy land, even if it's just for an hour. It is like a mini vacation, and I enjoy every second of it :)
3) I am grateful for Hob Nob. Last year Lux was the "it" spot, but it was such a hassle sometimes (too far away, not place to sit, no real food to eat, etc.) Hob Nob combines the best of Lux (and none of the bad) with an awesome, homey atmosphere. I am grateful that I now feel like I have a refuge, a place to go when I need to work. And though I haven't tried it yet, it could be a place I go when I just need to be alone.
4) I am grateful for my boyfriend. It took me a few "gratefuls" to get down to him, because I want to make sure I word it just right. It's not that I'm grateful that I have a boyfriend. And it's not even that I'm grateful for all the things he does for me (though I certainly am). It's bigger than that. I'm grateful that I have Scott. Scott and all of his wonderful, kind, generous, caring, hopeful -ness. Even though I am screwed up right now, he is my solid anchor in this mess. It's nice.
5) I am grateful for my new haircut! I have side bangs, and they look WAY cuter than my last adventure in bangs-land. :)
6) I am grateful that I was able to find a suitable dress for the upcoming Vegas trip for Roby's birthday! After a saddening 6 attempts at trying on dresses (and, clearly, no luck), I definitely found a winner!
7) I am grateful for Shon Zelman. He is such an amazing mentor and role model, and because of him, my kids will have an AMAZING introduction to numerical values. It's truly all because of him.
8) I am grateful for Orange Juice. So tasty, so nutritional, so fresh. Makes me happy just drinking it, and it puts a smile on my face.
9) I am grateful for Sunday afternoons. Lazy Sunday afternoons. Ones where you've already been productive, and don't feel guilty for lounging, or cleaning, or taking care of you for a change. Love those!
Phew. Now I'm caught up. Except for those first four days.... yikes!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Separate Spheres
A second idea, separate from Gratitude:
I've decided to separate my life into spheres, and try my best to keep those sections separate.
Last week I found myself at a whole new, unprecedented level of GRUMP. And I couldn't snap out of it, no matter how hard I tried. Then I realized, I was taking all my frustrations at ASU, school, life, friends, etc., and taking them out on the wrong people/things. I can no longer take out my feelings about ASU on my students. I can't keep bringing my anger about my classroom into my life.
So. I am a student. That is one sphere. I am a teacher, and have a classroom. There's another. I am in a relationship, so that is a third. And I have a life with friends... my fourth. I guess three and four can mix a little, but it's important to remember that they are, in fact, separate.
Finally, there is a fifth section: myself. I need to make time to be alone with just myself, just my thoughts, to take care of me and do things that I like. Read a book, go to the park, get a massage, watch Grey's Anatomy, whatever it is that makes me happy. This one might be the hardest of all to nurture...
So it's on. I need to do something every day to try to take care of these spheres, but above all, I need to keep them separate. I think this is going to help...
Gratitude Challenge
Haha, here we are in November. Again.
This November I am joining a small group of fellow TFAers and participating in the Gratitude Challenge. Every day for the month, you have to name 3 things that you are grateful for. 3 DIFFERENT things, no repeats. As today was a kind of tough day, it seems like a great time to start!
1. I am grateful for my dog, Sadie. She is a happy face and wagging tail to come home wo, a snuggly bundle of fur to cuddle with, and all she needs to stay happy is a ball, laser pointer, a hand to be petted by or a lake to swim in. She is adorable. And I am so grateful I have her in my life.
2. I am grateful that I am far from home. I love my dad, but sometimes I think that I would go legitimately crazy if I was daily involved in the things that are going on there. Maybe that's a selfish thing. But I'm still grateful nonetheless that I do not still live there.
3. I am grateful for (you ready for this) my colorful pack of markers. Seriously. They make me feel like I have a choice, and in my life right now, the freedom to choose anything I do is valuable. My Thursdays are not my own. Neither are most of my Saturdays, Sundays, Fridays or Tuesdays. I don't have the choice to take sick days, go on vacation, etc. But, I can choose what color I feel like writing in, dammit. And I have 15 different choices.
I'll start with that. At least this should keep me blogging!! :)
Oh, and I guess I'll go public with this blog now, to keep me accountable. Don't mind the rest of my entries, nothing important!
Monday, July 13, 2009
I'm getting better!
Look, less than a month since the last post! Woo hoo!
So, still stuck in Summer School HADES, but at least this is the last week. Then, two weeks of worthless training, and school starts for the year! Summer flew by, had it's ups and downs, but after a refreshing weekend of doing nothing at all, I feel a bit more rested (except for the fact that I caught a NASTY head cold.. that bater was not refreshing, nor did it help me feel rested!).
We are moving this week! So excited! Roby gets back to Phoenix on Thursday, and we start moving that day! I am NOT looking forward to moving in 110 degree heat (HOPEFULLY it's that "cool"), but I am so excited to get out of an apartment and into a house. Apartments are nice, but nothing compares to having a HOME!! With a backyard. And misters that cool down your beer pong area :)
However, with moving out comes the inevitable hassle of PACKING UP! Let's see how much stuff I can get rid of during this move! It's kind of nice, the "cleansing" that comes with it. Hopefully I can eliminate a lot of junk from my collection, and start fresh in the new place.
Still, I foresee a lot of trips to IKEA (I know I know, but it's cheap and easy and I'm poor and tired...) :)
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