In a dark place...

So I guess it's more important than ever that I focus on the positive!

But before I do that, let me try to get some of this out.

Right now I feel like I'm in a very dark place.  A place I haven't quite ever been before.  It's as if EVERY thing in my life that I could POSSIBLY be upset about is hitting me.  And it's hitting me all at once.  The to-do list continues to pile up, and my responsibilities are outpacing me.  I don't feel adequate to live up to all the challenges presented to me, yet I cannot possibly prioritize them. They all seem equally important and imperative to finish.

Very pressing is the fact that my dad is very sick with the flu.  That terrifies me.  How sad is it that my dad having the flu makes my soul weep :(

I am overwhelmed, I am smothered, I am not good enough.  But I am grateful.  At least for a few things.

1)  I am grateful for Taylor Swift songs.  yes, she is a teenie bopper who writes songs for the same demographic.  But sometimes it's nice to travel back to a time of innocence and unwavering optimism.  Someone stole my dreams away from me, but it's nice to remember that I once had them.

2)  I am grateful for my students from last year.  Even if I am not happy with some of their behaviors this year, they were still my first, and will always be my babies and favorites.  I remember the awesome, amazing things that we did together, and how we overcame a lot of odds.  No matter what happens now, no one can take away last year from us.

3)  I am grateful that my big girl job application is nearly finished.  As far as items on my to-do list go, it was one that required little work, yet was somehow the MOST stressful item of all.  Now that it's nearly finished, I feel a big weight lifted off my chest.

Gosh I hope this feeling goes away.